October

 Cleopatra and Cheetah

 Abby: Mom, how many granddaughters do you want from me?
Me: As many as you'll give me.
Abby: Okay, I'll probably give you three.
Hannah: I'll give you one.
Abby: One?
Hannah: Yeah! I don't want to be giving away a bunch of my kids!

Hannah was reading the book Cowardly Clyde.
H: I love this book.
Me: I love it too, because do you know what my grandpa's name was?
H: Cowardly?



The school just notified me that I need to update my children's ethnicity. Yeah, because that usually changes during the school year.

"Abby is the fun in my life." - Hannah Johnson

What I heard before finding the dog like this:
"Oh, Esther! You look so beautiful! I'll go get some more accessories."    

We were buying candy for a trunk-or-treat event. Abby, who just wanted to leave the store, said, "You don't have to be so generous, Mom!" Hannah was horrified. "These children are poor! We have to be extra generous with the candy. They might not have enough money to buy food, and when they can't eat healthy food for dinner, at least they'll have the candy!"



Don't you love it when your kid gets school pictures and folds them in half before placing them in her take-home folder?

I wrote Abby a note for school, stating that she had completed an assigned task. She looked the note over and finally said, "Okay, this looks convincing."

While at the movies, a commercial asked that everyone turn off their cell phones. Hannah must not have heard this part. She did hear the ending, which announced, "If you have an emergency, please step into the hallway. Otherwise, it can wait." She leaned towards me and whispered, "Why do they want you to go potty in the hallway?"



I bought a jumbo bottle of conditioner for the girls' shower. For some odd reason, they felt the need to squirt the conditioner all over the bathroom. "What were you thinking??" I asked.
Heads hung in shame, they were silent. Finally, Hannah answered, "When we squirted it, it made toot noises. It was funny."

Mom, if Santa's not real, why do we leave milk and cookies for him?
Because it's fun.
Do you and Dad eat the cookies?
Dad does.
Who drinks the milk?
Dad does.
Well, Dad looks like Santa. All he needs is a robe.

Listening to the radio, we hear, "So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love." Hannah says:
Bankrupt! Someone's been watching Wheel of Fortune!

Hannah: Did you see Mrs. Hill at the pumpkin patch?
Me: Yes, I talked to her.
H: What did you talk about?
Me: I don't remember. Just stuff.
Pause.
H: Was it lady stuff?

Checking Hannah's homework-
Me: Hannah, your 9s are backwards.
Hannah: Whoops! That'd be funny if I turned it in, because the teacher would say, "Hannah, why'd you make a P?" and I'd say, "Ha, ha, you said pee!"