Friday, May 30, 2014


Mike has been teaching third grade and will be moving to second grade next year. This is Hannah's take on it.
"His students were really lucky to have him. It would be funny if one of them failed the STAAR just so they would have to stay in third grade so they could have him again. And then they find out that he's going to second, and they're like, 'Oh, no! I failed for nothing!'"
Then she starts laughing at the hypothetical student. 

Abby: Mom, is there someone that really annoys you?
Me: Yes.
Abby: Who is it?
Me: I'm not going to say.
Abby: Is it me?
Me serving dinner: "You pour this chili over the cornbread."
Hannah begins mixing the cornbread with the chili: "Too bad we have to mess up this delicious cornbread with this other stuff." 

Hannah: Mom, do you have any imaginary friends? I do. Their names are Bob and John. They never get any boo boos. When they fall, they don't get hurt, because the floor can't see them.

Mike and Hannah were having a silly debate. When Abby and I weighed in, Hannah said, "You two stay out. This is a conversation between blondies."
Perhaps I order pizza too often, as evidenced by:
I'd like to order a pizza.
Can I get your name?
Is this the Amy we know?

While watching an old Godzilla program, Mike burst out laughing at this quote:
"Trying to please a woman is like trying to swim the ocean."
Love it when I'm trying to hide from/ignore a solicitor and my children stare at him through the window.
Hannah won third place in her division in the GCISD bus safety poster contest.
Amy said, "It's Mother's Day. You have to be nice to me today." I said, "All day? That is going to be way too difficult. How about I be nice half the day?" She agreed. So in the morning and at church I could be grumpy. After church, I agreed to be nice! Happy Mother's Day Amy!
Hannah said, "Mom! Me and Abby and Daddy have a secret surprise, but we can't tell you, because it's for Mother's Day. Remember our secret surprise Daddy?"
"Oh. I guess just me and Abby have a secret surprise!"
 Hannah received the "Most Responsible Student" award.

Mike and Abby were texting during lunch. Suddenly, Abby jumped up and ran away screaming while Mike followed. I glanced at his phone, which read, "I'm gonna get you, so you had better run now."

Wednesday, May 14, 2014


Happy 8th birthday, my sweet Hannah! 

I paid the IRS today, April Fool's Day. Fitting.

Hannah: Mom, did you have a pet when you were a kid? Wait. Were pets invented when you were a kid? I know animals were.

Abby's homework question:
Give me liberty or give me death. Which one would you choose?
Abby's answer:
Duh, liberty.

Abby, Hannah, and a friend were having a tickle fight, when I heard this:
"Somebody's touching my un-deoderanted armpits!!"

I love it when I give the Subway Sandwich employee a five dollar bill and she checks it with the counterfeit pen. Makes me feel so trustworthy.

Hannah watched as I put the trash out this morning. As soon as I walked away, a gust of wind blew an empty box from our curb to our neighbor's curb. "Well," Hannah said, "it's their problem now."

Abby said she can't wait to be a mom, because then she won't have to clean up after anyone.

Abby says that someone keeps cheating off her papers. She's now taken to writing down all the wrong answers, and once the person's done copying, Abby changes them to the right answers. Problem solving.      

Abby and I went ziplining this weekend. My camera died right when she jumped, so I didn't get that shot.

With the warmer weather, I wore a dress to work today.
Hannah: Mommy! You look so beautiful! Are you going to a ball?


While watching The Price is Right, one of the models came on. Hannah said, "How do they find girls that pretty?" She then looked at me, and said, "You should do that job, Mom. You're prettier than she is." 


  50s day at school

Me: Hannah, put the dog out.
H: She doesn't want to go out.
Me: I don't care, tell her to go out.
H: I can't, she's giving me her sad puppy eyes.

Hannah: Timmy wants to marry me, so he gives me back massages. He's not any good at it, but I don't tell him that.
Abby: When you're in fifth grade, you'll think boys are disgusting.

Abby was making a schedule of the playdates we have lined up for spring break. After showing it to Mike, he asked, "Where are my playdates?" She then made two more lists:
Dad's Playdate
Monday through forever - Mom 

Mom's Playdate
Alisa and Shelley - three years

I was filling out paperwork for Hannah's dentist visit today. One of the questions was, "What would you like to change about your smile?" I asked Hannah. She thought about it and smiled while feeling her face. She finally said, "I think maybe if the cheeks went up higher, it would look better." I wrote it down.
When we left, she whispered, "Mom, he didn't do anything about changing my smile."

A friend asked the girls if they want to go back to Cambodia someday. They both said yes, and Hannah added, "We want to show them that girls have value and are just as important as boys. We want justice!"

My house was invaded by 10 girls. Hannah won a bounce house party at a VBS she attended last summer, and we finally got around to using it. They called it the "Play Date Palooza." 

While handing me a flower, Hannah said, "Mom, just so you know, you're sweeter than any flower."

My daughter just called me a smart aleck. I'm sure I don't know why.

Hannah to me:
"Two special flowers for one special lady."

Hannah: What's a facial expression?
Me: It's when your face says something.
(I made an angry face.)
What's my face saying right now?
Hannah: That you're weird?

Hannah was in a play at school.

Abby's design was picked to be in the GCISD art show!

Here is Amy doing her poster presentation with one of her professors. She got second author, which is a big deal. 

There's just something I love about a capitol building with cannons out front! 

Hannah came up with a great invention. A robotic kleenex box that will walk over to you each time you sneeze. (Patent pending.)                


Hannah: Mom, everyone I know has their own pet or their own electronic and I don't have either one!
Me: But you have me, and I love you!
(Hannah gives the not-amused look.)
Abby: Well, I get my own phone next year in middle school!
Me: No you don't.
Abby: WHAT?? What if there's an emergency and I need to call you!!
Me: Have one of your friends call me.
(Abby gives me the life-is-so-unfair look.)
I'm sure I'm the lamest mom ever.

Amy Johnson received the Virginia Chandler Dykes award at Texas Women's University for leadership. That's right - my wife is awesome!

Abby: Mom, can I use your phone to text my friends?
Me: Sure.
Hannah: (instantly upset) Why does ABBY always get to text HER friends and I NEVER get to text my friends!!!
Me: I don't care if you use my phone. Abby can text for 10 minutes, then you can text for 10 minutes.
Hannah: Nah. I don't want to.

Abby is obsessed with her rainbow loom and enjoys making things other than bracelets. Recently, she made baby Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. She hasn't had time to make their donkey, so they're hanging out in Barbie's pink convertible. They look pretty comfy in there.

(In reference to the movie Frozen.)
Me: You should never agree to marry someone you just met!
Hannah: Yeah, you need to wait awhile to see if he belongs in jail or not.

Hannah: Timmy wants to marry me, so he gives me back massages. He's not any good at it, but I don't tell him that.
Abby: When you're in fifth grade, you'll think boys are disgusting.

Hannah reports that a girl said the F-word to a friend.
Me: What's the F-word?
Hannah: I don't know, but it's bad. I think it's something like Fryshala.

While I was brushing Hannah's hair, she became thoughtful. "Mom, what if I grow up and don't know how to take care of my kids?" I told her I'd help her, and she began talking to herself. "Okay, I need to learn to cook and do laundry. I'll need to clean, and I'm not very good at that. Oh! I'll make my kids clean." Satisfied, she ended the conversation.


Tuesday, May 13, 2014


Hannah was driving a car in an amusement park ride. She was getting frustrated with the steering difficulties and kept blaming the car. She finally got her game face on, punched the gas, and said, "You've messed with the wrong girl!"

We spent the day at Six Flags. This is their scary face before one of the roller coasters.

I began teaching a new college course today. I told my students that I do not tolerate texting or playing on phones in my class. I showed them my phone and explained that it does not have the internet. One of them asked, "How do you know where to drive without GPS?" I told them I use Mapquest and print out directions. I had to wait for the laughter to die down before I could continue.
I love being a relic.

One of my college students is upset with me, so her dad has emailed me, confronting my decision. Should I have my dad write her dad back?

You know dinner's bound to be good when your youngest asks, "What's that disgusting smell?" 

Esther is so much like a person, it's creepy.


Thursday, December 26, 2013


At a family dinner, my aunt and I were stuck at the "boy" end of the table. After ten minutes of Nascar talk, we said we wanted some girl topics, so my uncle obliged. Here's his attempt at girl talk:
"So! How's your earring collection?"

I'm staying with my aunt and uncle in San Diego. When I got here, my uncle offered to get my luggage, but I insisted. I grabbed the suitcase from the trunk and lifted it up quickly, forgetting that it was unzipped. Everything flew from the suitcase to the ground. I yelled, "Avert your eyes, Uncle Don!"
They are now telling people that their house guest throws her undies on the lawn.
Does everyone now understand where I get my sense of humor?

I figure if I create romantic settings for the elves, I'll have more elves next year.

The last time I set up the elves, it was for a romantic movie and popcorn date. Last night, Mike helped them out. (I might like his better.)

Hannah doesn't think it's fair that we have to clean up after the elves on the shelf. "If they make a mess, they should clean it up themselves!"

It's always an adventure to talk with my BFF, mother of four. In the middle of our conversation, I hear a child screaming, and the mom says, "I gotta go! I have to save my daughter from the chicken!"

Hannah and a friend playing with two nativities. They each have one set of Joseph and Mary.
Hannah: We're about to have a baby!
Friend: So are we!
Hannah: Ours is going to be the Lord Jesus!
Friend: So is ours!
Not sure about this theology.

I like that Facebook notifies me, "Anniversary with Mike today." Not only does it remind me it's my anniversary, it also reminds me the name of my spouse. And it places a heart next to it to remind me that I'm in love. Phew!

Me: Hey girls, what should we get Daddy for Christmas?
Abby: Let's just get him a big bag of coal. Not the fake kind, the real kind.

Yesterday, we saw a neighbor with ice skates. She was skating successfully around her driveway. This morning, Abby asks, "Mom, do I have any roller skates?" Really not the same, dear.

I was supposed to take finals on Fri, Sat, and Monday at Texas Woman's University in Denton. Sadly, the weather closed the campus Fri and Sat. I just received notice that we're also closed for Monday.
It's a Christmas miracle!!!

We just walked to the park again. This time, I slipped on the ice and fell hard twice. Hannah was very concerned, but assured me that if I fell again, "The third time's a charm."

Going over a science study guide:
Me: Solar energy provides what three things?
Abby: Heat, light, and . . .
Me: food.
(pause with a confused look)
Abby: Microwaves are solar powered?

Abby's homework asks that she defines the difference between 'way' and 'weigh.' Here's what she wrote under 'way.'
Definition - way cool
Sentence - Way cool headband you have there.

Abby is practicing geography with a website that cheers every time she gets an answer right. Today, I turned the sound off because Hannah was also trying to do her homework. This is how I know Abby's my daughter:
"Mom, it's not making noise. (Sigh.) It's just not as fun when nobody's cheering for you."

Hannah is definitely my child:
"Let's play the quiet game! You can't talk, but you still can sing. It's just too hard not to sing."