For Your Entertainment

I needed a babysitter twice in one week. The first day, Hannah handed the sitter the money without saying anything. The second time, she gave her the money while saying, “Here’s the money. This time, it’s real.”

Abby watched the transaction of $25. She began to whine that she didn’t have any money. The sweet babysitter fell for it and held out the money, telling Abby that she could have one of the dollars. Abby left the five ones and quickly snatched the twenty.

I started the girls in AWANA this year. It’s a Christian organization that I loved as a child. Abby could not get the hang of the name, however, and kept asking me to repeat it. Finally, after about the fifth time of me repeating AWANA, a frustrated Abby sighed, “Oh, I’ll just call it Obama!”

The girls sometimes sleep together on the weekends. One morning, they excitedly told me about the shadow puppets they made before bed the night before.

Abby: Mommy, I made a bird!

Hannah: And I made a trash can!

(Translation: Hannah is not being good. Hannah wants to play with me but I don't want to play with Hannah. Mom and Dad are good to me.)

Hannah was asking me if I love her. “Yes, I love you with all my heart.” Do you love Abby? “Yes, I love Abby.” Do you love my friends at school? I explained that I don’t actually know her friends that well, but they seem very nice and I like them a lot. She quickly became offended that I did not love her friends. I repeated my thoughts on the subject. She became quiet, and finally said, “Fine, then I’ll tell all my friends that you don’t love them.”

Hannah’s teacher told me that during recess, Hannah was attempting to play with a group of kids. She then marched up to the teacher saying, “Those kids won’t let me play with them!” The teacher said that she should go ask the kids if she could play, too. Hannah then marched over to the group. The teacher saw Hannah’s finger flying as it pointed at each of them during an apparently heated lecture. Next thing she knew, Hannah was playing with the group!

(Hannah's first picture of the family.)

I was working on the computer today. Hannah came up to me with a nickel. “Mom, I need you to keep an eye on my money. You can do it while you’re working, because you can keep this eye” (she touches one lens of my glasses) “on the money, and you can keep this eye” (touches the other lens) “on the computer!”

We were in the checkout line of the grocery store when Hannah saw a small mirror used to check under the carts. She peered into the mirror and lifted her hands above her head. Hips swaying, she sang and gyrated. “Bow, chicka, wow, wow! Chicka, wow, wow!” I burst into laughter, but had to control myself, because it was not appropriate behavior. "Where did you hear that?" I demanded. She looked at me and sang, “That’s what my baby says! Bow, chicka, wow, wow!” Hurrying out of the store and away from the curious eyes of judgmental strangers, I had a talk with her. " We do not say that! It is not a nice thing to say!" Abby asks, “Mom, what does bow, chicka, wow, wow mean?” I have a Master’s degree in education, and I teach child development at a local college. My genius answer was, “It doesn’t mean anything, but it’s not a nice thing to say!” (Brother.) I told Hannah that she is not to say that again.

As we were driving home, I heard a soft forbidden song coming from the backseat. “Hannah!” I scolded. A sweet voice said, “It wasn’t me, Mom, it was my stuffed animal!”

We had our friends over one evening. It was a mixed group of about 15 people. Hannah told a mother that her baby was hungry. The mom humored Hannah and fixed a bottle for the baby. Hannah then loudly announced, “It’s a good thing that you had a bottle for your baby, because if you didn’t, she would have to drink from. . . .” She then gave a detailed account of the nursing process. I could not control my laughter. Tears poured from my eyes as I attempted to quiet her. My Hannah.