For Your Entertainment

I needed a babysitter twice in one week. The first day, Hannah handed the sitter the money without saying anything. The second time, she gave her the money while saying, “Here’s the money. This time, it’s real.”

Abby watched the transaction of $25. She began to whine that she didn’t have any money. The sweet babysitter fell for it and held out the money, telling Abby that she could have one of the dollars. Abby left the five ones and quickly snatched the twenty.

I started the girls in AWANA this year. It’s a Christian organization that I loved as a child. Abby could not get the hang of the name, however, and kept asking me to repeat it. Finally, after about the fifth time of me repeating AWANA, a frustrated Abby sighed, “Oh, I’ll just call it Obama!”

The girls sometimes sleep together on the weekends. One morning, they excitedly told me about the shadow puppets they made before bed the night before.

Abby: Mommy, I made a bird!

Hannah: And I made a trash can!

(Translation: Hannah is not being good. Hannah wants to play with me but I don't want to play with Hannah. Mom and Dad are good to me.)

Hannah was asking me if I love her. “Yes, I love you with all my heart.” Do you love Abby? “Yes, I love Abby.” Do you love my friends at school? I explained that I don’t actually know her friends that well, but they seem very nice and I like them a lot. She quickly became offended that I did not love her friends. I repeated my thoughts on the subject. She became quiet, and finally said, “Fine, then I’ll tell all my friends that you don’t love them.”

Hannah’s teacher told me that during recess, Hannah was attempting to play with a group of kids. She then marched up to the teacher saying, “Those kids won’t let me play with them!” The teacher said that she should go ask the kids if she could play, too. Hannah then marched over to the group. The teacher saw Hannah’s finger flying as it pointed at each of them during an apparently heated lecture. Next thing she knew, Hannah was playing with the group!

(Hannah's first picture of the family.)

I was working on the computer today. Hannah came up to me with a nickel. “Mom, I need you to keep an eye on my money. You can do it while you’re working, because you can keep this eye” (she touches one lens of my glasses) “on the money, and you can keep this eye” (touches the other lens) “on the computer!”

We were in the checkout line of the grocery store when Hannah saw a small mirror used to check under the carts. She peered into the mirror and lifted her hands above her head. Hips swaying, she sang and gyrated. “Bow, chicka, wow, wow! Chicka, wow, wow!” I burst into laughter, but had to control myself, because it was not appropriate behavior. "Where did you hear that?" I demanded. She looked at me and sang, “That’s what my baby says! Bow, chicka, wow, wow!” Hurrying out of the store and away from the curious eyes of judgmental strangers, I had a talk with her. " We do not say that! It is not a nice thing to say!" Abby asks, “Mom, what does bow, chicka, wow, wow mean?” I have a Master’s degree in education, and I teach child development at a local college. My genius answer was, “It doesn’t mean anything, but it’s not a nice thing to say!” (Brother.) I told Hannah that she is not to say that again.

As we were driving home, I heard a soft forbidden song coming from the backseat. “Hannah!” I scolded. A sweet voice said, “It wasn’t me, Mom, it was my stuffed animal!”

We had our friends over one evening. It was a mixed group of about 15 people. Hannah told a mother that her baby was hungry. The mom humored Hannah and fixed a bottle for the baby. Hannah then loudly announced, “It’s a good thing that you had a bottle for your baby, because if you didn’t, she would have to drink from. . . .” She then gave a detailed account of the nursing process. I could not control my laughter. Tears poured from my eyes as I attempted to quiet her. My Hannah.

More Smiles

The girls were arguing over something, so I told them to do rock, paper, scissors. Abby’s face broke into a triumphant grin when Hannah yelled, “Okay! I’ll be scissors!!”

Abby has been repeatedly asking about the tooth fairy. A classmate has assured her that the tooth fairy isn’t real. I dodged the question numerous times, but began to feel guilty after she said, “Tell me the TRUTH, mom!” Mike said I should tell her. It’s so sad to me, because she got her teeth later than other babies, and the doctor said she’d be late to lose them. That’s turned out to be true. Plus, she’s one of the youngest in her class. So, while her classmates have mouthfuls of the awkward big teeth, Abby has only lost two. The tooth fairy has only visited her two times, and now she wants the truth!

I finally sat her down and explained that there is no tooth fairy, but it’s a fun thing to pretend about. Her face fell, and I literally saw her heart break from my words.

Abby: But she took my teeth!

Me: That was me, baby.

Abby: She wrote me a letter!

Me: That was me, too.

After a lot of heart to heart, she agreed to keep the secret from Hannah. She would play along, but she wanted to see her old teeth.

The next day, Hannah marched up to me demanding to know why I had taken Abby’s teeth from the tooth fairy. Abby quickly changed the story, telling Hannah that I am in fact THE tooth fairy for everyone! I stammered over some words, but I have no idea what Hannah thinks now.

Abby’s now beginning to ask about Santa Claus. I told Mike, in no uncertain terms, that HE will be the one to have that discussion.

Abby does homework:

Abby was getting her teeth cleaned at the dentist office. Hannah looked on, her usual chatty self. The dentist finally asked her when she was going to have her teeth cleaned. “I can’t have my teeth cleaned, because I never stop talking!” she declared. He looked at me with the same question. “When you charge by the pound of the patient, I’ll bring her in for a cleaning.” He left it alone after that.

We had just visited my brother and his wife in Austin. Apparently, Toby and Hannah had a conversation that I was not privy to. The next day, she asked, “Mommy, where’s Hollywood?” I told her that is was in California, near Disneyland. “Oh. And where’s Syrup?” Confused, I asked her to clarify. “Syrup. Toby told me about Syrup.” I explained that there is no place called Syrup. She was adamant that Toby had told her all about Syrup. She was actually a bit upset that I didn’t know where it was.

I forgot about the conversation until two days later when she said, “I wish we could take a boat and go across the ocean to Syrup.” It clicked in my mind. “Do you mean EUROPE?” Abby started laughing hysterically. Hannah thought and muttered, “I thought he said Syrup!”

I told Abby she could pick any restaurant for her birthday dinner. She got very excited and leaned over to Hannah. “Hannah! It’s my birthday, and I can pick any place I want to eat dinner! (Pause.) Should I pick McDonald’s or Chik-Fil-A?”

We went to IHOP for dinner. (I know, you’re all jealous that you can’t be as classy as us.) Abby looked through the menu and leaned over to Mike. She pointed out a pancake breakfast that has a huge butter scoop on top. “Don’t get this, Dad.” She pointed to the picture of the butter. “I got it before, because I thought this was ice cream. They tricked me!”

The girls both love music, and it's interesting how they "hear" the lyrics. One song has a line, "It happens in a blink." The line repeats several times. In the backseat, Hannah sings, "It happens when I'm three." A Vegetales song sings, "You put this love in my heart!" Hannah asks, "Why'd they slobber the heart?"