Howdy, Strangers!

So, yes, it has been over two months since I have last blogged. Not only have I been ignoring my own blog, but others as well. If you have blogged something in the last two months, rest assured that I don't know about it. If you have posted anything on Facebook, I have not seen it. I am very good about email, though, if you really want to tell me something!

I am a slacker, and I have scraps of paper in every corner of the house with stories that I am wanting to blog about. They have no dates and sketchy descriptions, such as "poop on head," and "Daddy, old and crusty." Did I really think I'd remember the Daddy, old and crusty story two months after the fact? I don't! (I remember the poop on head story.)

Let's begin, shall we?

The super big news at the moment is that Mike is currently in Cambodia on a mission trip through our church. The group is figuring out how our church can best partner with International Justice Mission to fight human trafficking. As much as we miss him, we are so thrilled that he has this opportunity. He's having an amazing time. Why, just two days ago, he was presented with a delicious appetizer. Crispy Tarantulas. With dipping sauce! My husband, who is one of the pickiest eaters I have ever encountered, ate it.




For more on his adventures, please visit http://www.121cc.com/121-mission-blog/category/cambodia/. We appreciate your prayers.

My news seems pretty lame after the whole spider thing, but I'll tell it anyways. I am now a college professor. That's right, folks, someone actually hired me to teach college! I am teaching two courses on infant and toddler development at the local community college. I am having a great time.

Abby started the first grade and adores her teacher. She continues to ride the bus without incident.

Hannah has started preschool three days a week. She is in the turtles class and has two teachers that she loves. She asks me to drop her at the curb like I do with Abby, but I tell her no. One day, she made me walk three paces behind her so we could pretend I had dropped her at the curb. Too big for Mommy anymore.



Now, looking at the sketchy notes, I will tell you what summer boiled down to in the Johnson household. Proceed at your own risk.

***
Abby turned 6! I forgot to go to the store and buy more candles, so we are pretending that there are six there.

***
One day, I was working on the computer while Abby was using the bathroom around the corner from me. Hannah decided to help her (??) so they were in there together. I then heard little whispers:
H: But my hair will get all wet!
A: It's okay, you can just dry it on the towel.
H: No, I don't want to!
A: Come on, Hannah! Do it!
H: I don't want to get my hair wet!
At this moment, I got terribly uneasy and entered the scene. Abby had dropped a toy in the toilet and was asking Hannah to fish it out for her. The kicker is, Abby wasn't even off the toilet yet! She was scooted back quite far, but still on the potty!

***
While riding in the car, the sun got in Hannah's eyes. I heard her muttering angry words to the sun. She then yelled, "Shoo, Sun! No thank you, MR. SUN!!"

***
The girls were goofing around and disobeying, so I really got after them. At the end of my lecture, I said, "Say, 'Yes, ma'am.'" Normally compliant by this point, they were instead silent. I repeated, "Say, 'Yes, ma'am.'" Still silence. I stared into Hannah's eyes and repeated myself one more time. She politely looked at me and said, "But I want to say, 'One potato, two potato.'"



***
In an attempt to save time, I let Hannah shower with me. "Oh, Mommy! Look at you! You look like a buffalo! Hello, Buffalo!"

***
On another occasion, I said something to the effect that I couldn't fit in her little chair because I was too big. "Yes," Hannah said, "you have big buns just like Daddy."

***
At the dinner table one evening, Abby was talking about who the boss of the house is. Mike said, "Is Daddy the boss, or are Mommy and Daddy both the bosses?" She thought for a moment, then replied, "You're both the bosses. But Mommy's the boss that's right."



***
We found Abby's beloved fish, Steve, dead. (Finally!) I told Mike first in case he wanted to be there to cushion the blow. (He didn't.) While we were disposing of Steve, Abby said, "I'd better tell Daddy that my fish is dead." I said that I had just told him. She paused and said, "Well, I better tell him again. You know how he forgets."

***
I am quite addicted to Sonic (a carhop fastfood joint). The girls are used to me stopping to get my Vanilla Diet Coke. After I placed my order, Hannah said, "What girl will bring it?" As a boy approached, I told her that it looked like a boy would bring it. She appraised this handsome guy and said, "Ohhhhhh. I like the boy!"

***
While Mike was reading to the girls in Abby's bed, the wooden letter A from Abby's name fell off the wall and hit Hannah on the forehead. It's a bad bump and bruise, and people keep asking her about it. When asked, she always says, "Abby's letter A fell on me." (Kudos to Aunt Kelli for actually figuring out what that meant!) When Hannah reported the news to Gamma, my mom gave her kisses and said, "Do you want to see my ouchie?" She pulled up her sleeve to reveal a large bruise on her arm. "Ohh," Hannah said, "did the letter B fall on you?"

***
While driving, I heard Abby ask Hannah if she wanted to play a game of Go Fish. Knowing they didn't have any cards back there, I was curious as to how this would work. Luckily, they had a stack of snapshots from our vacation. They divied them up and I could hear them saying, "Do you have any Daddys? Do you have any Cinderellas? Do you have any Chloes?"

***
While visiting my brother's house on Friday, the girls left our line of sight and began to play in the pile of dirt and manure that was waiting to be spread the next day. When we heard screaming, we checked on them. Hannah had dirt and manure stuck to each curl on her blonde head. A dirt throwing match had ensued, and Hannah had lost. She wanted snuggles from me, but she stunk! We washed her off the best we could, and my brother made his daughter apologize. "Jocie, you tell Hannah that you are sorry for throwing poop on her head!" In her sweet little voice, Jocie solemly said, "Hannah, I'm sorry for putting poop on your head. I never do it again." The other unfortunate guest at the dinner table (yes, we were eating dinner at the time,) could barely keep her drink from coming out her nose.

***
I'm pretty tired now. You know, single mom and all. Trying to catch up on two months of correspondence in one sitting. (I'm actually just trying to ignore everything else that needs to be done.)
I hope you have enjoyed your time with us. . . . Anyone want to babysit?