The Johnson Family

Happy New Year!

2012-01-03T07:18:00.001-08:00

Yes, the blog is finally updated. I have been rather busy training for another online teaching job and beginning my PhD program. I would love to tell you how well I did, but it might be rude to report that I got straight 'A's, so I won't.

The girls are doing well. Hannah's arm has healed nicely (see October's post), and Abby is growing up much too quickly. When I asked one of her friends over for a playdate, I was informed that third graders do not "play", they "hang-out." I was also informed that anything having to do with princesses is "baby." Hannah told me that Abby was embarrassed to walk in the hall with her, because Hannah had Dora the Explorer on her shirt. Abby remedied this by taping a piece of paper over the offense image. Such is life.

Mike and I just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary by going down to San Antonio for three childless days. It was wonderful!

Enjoy the stories. Feel free to leave comments or suggestions on how we can improve this site. If you wish to unsubscribe, write a letter to my children stating that you would rather not hear anything about them. Happy new year!

(There are four posts beyond this one. Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec. You may need to advance the page to see them all.)

December

2012-01-02T10:23:00.001-08:00

Goliath got a bone for Christmas. Whenever he gets a bone, he digs up the yard, looking for the perfect spot to bury it, so Mike decided it would be an indoor toy. Goliath stood by the door with the bone in his mouth. It was a pathetic sight, and eventually Abby took pity on him and opened the door. He raced outside, ready to dig. When we told Abby that he wasn't supposed to take the bone outside, she took off after him. She, still in her pajamas, chased him through the yard. They ended up playing tug-of-war, and Abby won.

The girls were in the shower, each with a sudsy loofah. They had instructions to wash everything. Here is the conversation that followed:
Abby: Wash your buns!
(Abby reaches over and washes Hannah.)
Hannah: HEY!
Abby: You're supposed to wash your buns!
Hannah: Those are MY buns! They are attached to MY body, and I can do what I WANT with them!

My dad was watching the girls while I went to school. He asked if I was caught up on my homework, and I said no. Abby was listening. "Do you have recess at school? Because if you're not done with your homework, you can do it during recess!"

Mike's favorite Christmas present. A Lord of the Rings Pez dispenser set.

Hannah often doodles while she's at the computer. She likes to copy the phrases and pictures she finds on the screen. This one was my favorite:

Mike's mom was able to come out for Christmas this year. The girls were thrilled to have her here.

Hannah performing in the Christmas musical. She's so angelic!

The girls and I rehearsed good gift opening manners. We discussed that even if you already have it or you don't like it, you still need to thank the person, and then talk to Mommy later in private. On Christmas morning, while they were messing around in the bathroom, I peeked in. "Do you remember what to say when opening presents?"
"Yes, Mommy!"
As I walked back down the hall, I heard Hannah practicing, "Oh! It's beautiful! Thank you so much!"

We left four cookies for Santa. Before I went to bed, he ate three of them. When I woke up, the fourth cookie was gone, as well.
"Look, Mom!" Abby cried. "Santa ate all the cookies!" A few minutes pass. "Or maybe he ate three cookies and we ate one."

The girls got several Squinkies for Christmas. These tiny figurines are about the size of a fingernail. Abby and Hannah wanted to take some in the car while looking at Christmas lights. I gave them a snack size bowl and explained that they could take five Squinkies in the car and that the bowl would help them not lose the toys. When Mike brought them back later, Hannah approached me with her head hung low. "Mommy, I'm very sorry, but I lost three of the Squinkies. And I lost the bowl."

The girls were excited when we bought an abominable snowman stuffed animal for Christmas. They were less than thrilled when they found out it was a decoration and not a play thing. They were told to leave it in the corner. They have done as instructed, but he has not been fully left alone. Here are the before and after shots:

(He's eating a Squinkie.)

November

2011-11-29T07:26:00.001-08:00

Hannah and her daddy:

I got a pedicure. Hannah asked to see it, so I unveiled a foot to show her the color. “Pretty!” she said. “What color is the other foot?”

Me: Hannah, how do you want to wear your hair today?

Hannah: Blonde.

Hannah: I want to be a grown up so bad!

Me: Why?

Hannah: So I can be a mom and have kids.

Me: Why?

Hannah: So I can spank them.

While helping out in Hannah’s kindergarten class, I overheard one of her boyfriends giving her attitude. He ended his sassy phrase with, “Got it, dude?” She stuck a hand on her hip and used her “duh” voice. “If you want to call a girl that,” she said before walking away, “it’s dudette.”

As Hannah was leaving the doctor’s office, the receptionist offered her a coloring book. She excitedly took it. While driving out of the parking lot, I heard her say, “Hey! This isn’t a coloring book! This is something that makes me learn!”

After looking all over town for a little girl's sling, I came up empty handed. Hannah's Aunt Kelli blinged this sling for her. She loved it!

We had someone dropping off garage sale donations one evening. It was cold outside as we were helping him unload his lifted truck. A few minutes into it, Abby complained that she was too cold. I heard Hannah call, “It’s warm over here!” I glanced over to see her warming her hands and face with the exhaust of the idling car.

The girls with their cousin Molly:

November 1^st, the day after Halloween, found me alone with two delicious bags of candy. Seven hours alone, two bags of candy, and very little willpower. Three days later, with the candy disappearing at a very rapid rate, I asked Mike to hide the bags. He did, bringing them out when he got home from work. We would each have a few pieces after dinner, and he would hide them again. The girls also hid a bag of candy from me. It worked well. With the candy out of sight, I wasn’t tempted.

After a week of this, Mike asked if I’d found the candy yet. My answer was the same when he asked me each evening for the next week. “No, I haven’t even looked for it.” I was confused by his snickering. Two weeks later, he could not keep his hiding place a secret anymore. “I hid it with the cleaning products,” he admitted. “I knew that once you cleaned, you would find it, but you never cleaned!” We’re not on speaking terms anymore.

When that candy was gone, I asked the girls to get the bag that they had hid from me. Two beautiful deer-in-the-headlight faces peered back at me. “We hid it in our backpacks and ate a piece for lunch every day, because you don’t pack dessert with our lunches!”

October

2011-10-26T11:45:00.001-07:00

We were at the park, and the girls were on the monkey bars. Usually, Hannah gets to the fourth or fifth rung and screams for help. I lift her down, and she tries again. She could do this all day if I'd let her. This particular day, Friday, Mike and I told her that she needed to drop down by herself. (We've seen her do this dozens of times.) She got to the fourth rung and yelled for help, then dropped down. After the fifth cycle, she dropped down and began crying. I scooped her up, and when she wouldn't stop crying, we headed home for aspirin and an ice pack. She fussed off and on that evening. In the morning, she said it hurt a little, but she was well enough to go to a swim party. She swam for two hours. But on Sunday morning, she cried about it again, and I decided to take her to the ER. Her sweet little arm was broken in two places. She now tells the story with, "I told my mom I needed help!" I am up for mother-of-the-year award, so be sure to cast your ballots now.

In the ER, the nurses needed to take Hannah from her room to the x-ray room. They prepped a wheelchair for her, but I told them that she would be fine walking. Hannah gave me a dirty look and requested the wheelchair. They gingerly placed Hannah in, then wheeled her to the x-ray room - right next door. After the x-rays, she again got in the wheelchair and was transported back to her room - next door.

I found this in Hannah's room. "It's for God," she explained.

Mike was in Cambodia during the World Series, and I wasn’t watching the games. One night, the girls started pressuring me. They wanted to watch the Rangers. Everyone else at school got to watch the Rangers except them. Abby was upset because a friend said, "Did you see it when so-and-so hit that home run?" And of course, she hadn't. So we watched half of the game with some friends. We told the girls when to cheer. We taught them how to chant Na-po-li. Abby saw the players spitting. She kept yelling, "Go Rangers!" Hannah kept saying, "Go Texans!" Abby was disappointed that they weren't hitting a ball that was thrown RIGHT to them! She said if she were the pitcher, she wouldn't throw it right at the batter, she'd throw it over to the side so they'd never be able to get it. Abby wanted something to talk about in school the next day, so when we saw a double play in the fourth, we came up with her line. "Did you see that double play in the fourth inning?"

The next morning, I checked before school to see who won. I told the girls, "Okay, the Rangers won." Abby cheered. Hannah asked how the Texans did.

Me- Abby, do you remember what to say?
Abby- (Sounding totally scripted) Did you see the double play in the fourth ending?
Me- Inning.
Abby- Inning?
Me- Like "in" - "ning."
Abby- Inning.

The girls get ready for the school carnival. You can really see their different personalities in this picture:

Hannah was washing her hands when coming home from school one warm day. I watched her wash and dry, then rub each armpit with the dish towel before placing it back for others to use.

“Hannah! Why are you rubbing your armpits with the towel?

“They were wet!”

September

2011-09-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

The girls have been enjoying a cartoon series called Peppa Pig. The show originated in England, and the characters all have lovely accents. I started to notice that whatever Peppa Pig had, Hannah wanted.

“Mom! Do we have any apples? Peppa’s having an apple.”

“Can we have pancakes for dinner? Peppa’s dad is making pancakes for dinner!”

It started getting weird when Hannah started speaking with an accent and using different vocabulary words.

“Mommy, do I have stabilizers on my bike? Peppa’s dad took off his stabilizers, so I want mine off.”

We knew it was a problem when she was working on a phonics sheet. Her job was to circle anything that started with a B. In the end, she refused to circle the picture of a band-aid, because, “Mommy, that’s a plaster. Plaster does not start with a B.”

The girls heard someone say the word “stupid.” They were horrified and later reported the incident to Mike.

Daddy! We heard someone say the baddest word in Texas!

What word was it?

(Whisper) Stupid!

Yes, that’s not a nice word, but it’s not the baddest word in Texas.

(Pause) What is the baddest word in TX?

I’m not going to say it!

Please, Dad! We won’t tell anyone!

I noticed Abby studying Hannah and writing something. Later, I found a list of qualities Abby sees in her sister:

Blond hair

pey jays on

blue eye

talks a lot

my sister

scared to death a lot

complains a lot

is funny

hurts me a lot

picks games that are too really really hard like scary games

needs my help a lot

little

age 5

does serous stuff

sleeps in my bed a lot

sneaky a lot

birthday April 25^th

Hannah's picture of herself and Abby:

Now that Hannah has started kindergarten, she sometimes addresses me as Mrs. Mommy.

Abby started Girl Scouts this year. At her first meeting, I sat in a chair to the side of the room while Abby sat in the middle with her friends. She likes me with her, especially in new situations, and I wanted her to feel comfortable. After about two minutes, she glanced at me. “Mommy!” I gave her my “I’m here, baby” look. She hissed, “LEAVE!”

August

2011-09-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

School has begun! Hannah has started kindergarten, Abby is in third grade. Mike is still teaching second grade, and I am still teaching part-time at a local college. I decided that I also wanted to go back to school, so I have begun my PhD in child development. At the moment, I am completely overwhelmed and am wondering what in the world I was thinking when I signed up for this.

Luckily, my parents took the children out to dinner. I am sure this was so I could get my homework done, but I think blogging's more fun. Plus, I have been getting the old your-blog-isn't-updated complaints again. Enjoy the posts, and don't tell my parents.

Happy 8th birthday, Abby, my love!

I put the girls in the tub, and walked away while the water was running. When I returned a few minutes later, I told them that I had cleaned the tub that morning, and I didn’t want them to drink the water in case there were chemicals in it. They responded:

Abby – Okay, Mommy!

Hannah – (Pause) You mean, don’t drink it again?

While eating at McDonald’s, Hannah was deep in thought. Finally, she asked, “Mommy, how do they know if you’re a boy or a girl?” A small panic hit me as I thought about how much I wanted to delve into. I said, “Remember, our private parts are different.” She looked confused and pointed to her happy meal toy, which was meant for a girl. “No!” she said. “How do they (pointing to the people behind the registers) know if you’re a boy or a girl (pointing to her girl toy).”

The girls were thrilled to be in the Wizard of Oz play this summer. Abby was Glenda the good witch. Hannah was a munchkin, but she kept calling herself a chipmunk.

While waiting in line at the store, Abby asked Mike to have a contest to see who could hold their breath the longest. “Ready, go!” They both took a big breath and held it. I’m sure Abby was breathing through her nose, because the contest lasted for at least two minutes. She finally blew her breath out, and said, “Dad! Are you still holding your breath?” Mike looked confused for a moment and admitted, “Oh! I forgot we were playing!”

Mike woke up with a blocked saliva gland. His face was swollen, so he went to the doctor. Apparently, the doctor told him that he needed to eat things that would activate his saliva glands. She encouraged him to eat one thing in particular. He came home with a smile on his face. “The doctor told me to eat more candy!” He held up a box of Lemonheads, which is just what the doctor ordered. Anytime the girls tried to sneak a piece, he’d cry, “Stop eating Daddy’s medicine!”

I was trying to shop for a new bra with the children. (Don’t try this.) Abby was mesmerized by the entire department, especially the bras that have pre-formed cups. “Mama, it’s like they’re all in 3-D!”

The girls were eating alone while I was working. I later noticed that Hannah had sauce on her cheek. After wiping it off, I saw sauce on her shoulder and back. “Hannah! How did you get sauce all over yourself?”

“Abby slapped me with a pizza!”

The girls needed back-to-school shoes, so I took them to a reputable shoe store. I asked the sales associate to size their feet. Figuring Abby was about a 12, I was shocked to hear him say that she is actually a 3! (Kids shoes go up to 13 and then start over at 1.) I was a bit skeptic that her feet had grown four sizes without me noticing. Then he measured Hannah’s feet.

Worker –“She’s a five.”

Me – “But she’s been in size 10 shoes.”

Worker – “Let me check something.” He speaks softly into his headset, obviously asking for help, then turns back to me. “Okay, yes. She will stay a ten until she gets into grade school, then she becomes an 11.”

Well, if that’s the way it works. . . .

Abby said that she wants to earn money by having a lemonade stand in the front yard. I explained that since there is very little traffic on our street, it might not make much money. “Sure it will!” she said. “I’ll put it out right before Lifegroup comes over on Thursday!”

Abby had a “spa” birthday party. We invited her friends over, and with the help of my family and friends, we treated the children to a luxury spa day. They loofahed their feet in the tub, got cleansing masks on their faces, had nails painted, hair styled, and makeup done. It was a very fun day.

After the cake kicked in (with their cousin):

I went to get the girls ears pierced today (Abby's b-day). Who was I kidding? Hannah volunteered to go first to show Abby how it's done. But as soon as the first earring was put in, Hannah started crying, which sent Abby into hysterics. Abby was huddled in a corner crying and screaming. Abby absolutely refused (Happy birthday indeed), and we left with one child pierced. Hannah is furious with Abby because Hannah only did it so that Abby would gain courage to do it. Hannah now says she hates the earrings and is threatening to take them out.

The pictures are in order here:

Hannah was so excited to start kindergarten! Since Abby’s first day of kinder was so memorable (remember the bus?), I was worried that Hannah wouldn’t be able to top it. So, she didn’t go. Hannah had the stomach bug on her very first day of school.

When she finally got to go to the second day of school, I discovered that Mike had taken the camera to work! I emailed him, “You took away my camera on my baby’s first day of kindergarten!” I stopped a friend in the hall and begged a picture off her phone.

July

2011-08-15T18:46:00.000-07:00

We were able to get back to San Diego this summer. After looking up plane ticket prices, we decided to drive our little car half way across the country. I had good intentions of keeping a quick journal each night. We all know that didn’t happen, so here is what I remember of the trip.

Day 1

We explained to the girls that it would take three full days of driving to get to San Diego. 20 minutes into the trip, we heard the first, “Are we there yet?” The question came again five minutes later.

After driving for seven hours, we were ten minutes away from our destination. The speed limit kept changing, and I thought I was on top of it. Alas, I missed the sign that dropped the speed limit from 75 to 65. As I was pulled over, the girls were very nervous. They asked, “What would happen if you just drove away really fast right now?” I said the police would catch me and probably put me in jail. This sent them over the edge. “Don’t drive away, Mommy! We don’t want you to go to jail!”

Now when people ask about the hardest part of the trip, the girls say, “When Mommy was stopped by the policeman!” They also search for speed limit signs and make sure I am aware of the legal limit at all time.

We stayed at a motel in New Mexico. The girls thought it was amazing.

Day 2

Before heading out, we visited the caves at Carlsbad Caverns. They were beautiful. We took an elevator 750 feet down. The temperature inside the caves is a constant 56 degrees, which felt wonderful in the middle of the summer. We wanted to photograph everything, but the pictures could not capture it all.

This was the best picture I could get of the girls outside the caverns:

After the cave tours, we set out driving again. We went through a whole lot of nothing. The girls discovered the joy of peeing on the side of the road. At one rest stop, the bathrooms were all locked. I finally took the girls to a cluster of trees and supervised the squatting. Abby went first. Hannah cheered her on with, “Come on, Abby! Show us what you got!” We hadn’t quite finished when the sprinklers came on.

We stayed the night in Arizona.

Day 3

Today, we drove to Los Angeles. We had reserved a hotel room near Disneyland. After we checked in, we carried our luggage to the elevator. When the doors opened, there was a middle-aged woman, wearing a bathing suit, squatting in the elevator. As soon as she saw us waiting, she jumped up and took off running. We were confused until we entered the elevator and saw a puddle of pee where she had been hovering. California, here we come!

We made it to the room after warning the girls not to stand on that side of the elevator, put on our suits, and headed down to the pool. The girls jumped in the water and were shocked to find that it was cold! I had even forgotten that CA pools are cold, because it’s cool at night. Here in Texas, it’s pretty much 110 degrees 24/7, so pools are pretty warm! The girls forced me to jump in once, but I wimped out and spent the next hour in the hot tub.

Day 4

Disneyland! We rented two strollers and started our adventure. The lines were long, and the sun intense, but it was Disneyland! We began with Pirates of the Caribbean, where Hannah learned to raise her arms during the scary parts. She wasn’t sure about the Haunted House, but asked to go on Thunder Mountain, which is an intense train roller coaster. The line was long, and the sun began to drain us. We finally made it to the front of the line after 40 minutes. As soon as we reached the front, the worker moved the chain, blocking us from going any further. Along came 100 people who had visited hours ago and received a Fast Pass. They were all ushered ahead of us. Slowly, as Hannah realized what was happening, her face fell until she was almost in tears. Eventually, we were allowed on the ride. Mike sat next to Hannah, and later said that it was his favorite part of the day. Hannah loved it when others were raising their hands and screaming, so she started doing it, too.

Already beaten down by the sun, my body couldn’t handle the roller coaster. I became motion sick and started crying afterwards. We went back to the hotel where I could cool down and nap. When we returned to Disneyland for the evening, we all had a lot more fun.

At two o’clock, our two strollers were stolen. The park, foreseeing this problem, gives free replacement strollers with a receipt. Stroller three was taken at 5:00, and stroller four was gone by nine.

The girls loved the day!

Day 5

After sleeping in and taking another dip in the pool, we headed down to San Diego. We met my uncle and aunt at Lake Jennings campground. They loaned us their amazing camper. The girls were in awe. Actually, Mike and I were a little awed, also. We unpacked and wound down.

Day 6

Uncle Doug took Mike shooting today, which gave the girls and me a chance to be with Aunt Linda, and our cousins. They took us to Seaport Village, which is near the ocean. It was a beautiful day, but the girls and I were cold! The girls loved watching all the seagulls and kept trying to sneak food to the birds.

We had dinner with good friends. I showed up at their house with two bags of laundry. Our girls played with their three boys, who are slightly older than Abby and Hannah. We later found out that Hannah kissed one of the boys. Brother.

Day 7

We went to the beach with my best friend and her children. We were so excited to be together again and catch up. However, watching six children at the beach does not lend itself to idle chit-chat. We didn’t get much social time in, but the kids loved being there. Mike was teaching the girls to boogie board. Abby loved it, but Hannah didn’t like the waves knocking her over.

Day 8

The girls were excited to spend the morning with Uncle Steve (Mike’s brother) and their cousin Caleb. They picked out matching skirts and shirts to go fishing in. I bathed them in sunscreen, and turned them over to Mike so that I could get ready before Steve and Caleb came. The girls ran outside the camper to put spray sunscreen on their scalps. I didn’t think anything of it until Mike began laughing. “They’re all dirty!” he said. I looked out onto our campsite. Every inch of both girls was covered in dirt, all sticking firmly to the sunscreen on their skin. They had also gone wild with the spray sunscreen, and it looked as though they had teased their hair 80’s style before drenching it with Aqua Net. I was horrified and told Mike as much. He said, “Why did you get them all dressed up to go fishing?” “They wanted to look cute!” I replied.

Day 9

On Sunday, we visited the church that I grew up in. Mike and I met and married there, and it will always be a part of us. We saw old friends and commented on how big each other’s children were getting. Abby came down from Children’s Church with fistfuls of candy. “I like this church better than our church! They give more candy here!”

Day 10

We went to the beach again, and Abby got really good with the boogie board. Hannah preferred to build sand castles.

Day 11

Before leaving San Diego, we said our goodbyes to my relatives. Aunt Joyce, who never had children of her own, gave my girls a teddy bear that sings the Macarena. I thanked her profusely for the toy that would make noise during our three full days of driving. She told me she was pretty sure the batteries were almost dead. Hey, Macarena!

We stayed in Arizona that night, and as a surprise to the girls, we got a room with a hot tub in it. After they swam in the outdoor pool, they swam in the in-room pool with their bath toys.

Day 12

Before heading out, we stopped at the gas station and loaded up on snacks. We smiled as we piled them on the check-out counter. “Road trip?” the clerk asked. I replied, “Whatever keeps the kids quiet!”

We were stopped at a checkpoint that was searching for illegal aliens. The girls asked why we had stopped. We explained that some people try to sneak in from Mexico. We explained the difference between people that are allowed to be here and people that aren’t. Apparently, we didn’t explain it well enough, because Abby began worrying about one of her friends who was adopted from China. Hannah had another worry, “What kind of Mexican food are you not allowed to bring across?”

“Mom! I have to go to the bathroom!”

“Okay, wait a few minutes, and I’ll pull over.”

(Less than two minutes later.)

“Mom! I have poop in my undies!”

Day 13

We finally arrived in Texas, but we still had a full day to go. Abby began playing with the Macarena bear, and Hannah yelled, “I’m SICK of that bear!”

To keep the girls busy, I gave them each a lollipop. When we got to the next rest stop, Hannah’s eye was glued shut. Apparently, she had lollipop gunk in it. Mike got her a wet paper towel and a woman asked if she was okay. I explained that somehow, lollipop juice got in her eye.

Abby: “That’s because she stuck her lollipop in her eye!”

Me: “You did??”

Hannah: “Abby TOLD me to!”